Ask the Theatre Guru!

asktheatreguruWe’re starting a new feature today. You can ask the Theatre Guru anything you like and he’ll pick the best questions and answer them. To kick it off, we have three, uh, reader submitted questions below.

Dear Theatre Guru,

I never get parts in plays I audition for. I don’t understand. I’m really really hot, blond hair, blue eyes. All the boys love me, kwim? But for some reason, no one ever lets me be in there show. I don’t understand. Can you explain it to me?

Desperately Yours,

Never On Stage Hottie


Dear Never On Stage Hottie,

I think you’re a little too focused on your appearance. You need to work on connecting to the script. Acting is not all about looks. Well, except for TV and movies. Also, learn how to spell “their.” It won’t help you get parts in plays but at least people won’t make fun of you for that.


Theatre Guru


Dear Theatre Guru,

I have always dreamed of playing Hamlet. And now I have my chance! But I’m scared to death I’m going to screw it up. What have I gotten myself into?

Scaredy Ham


Dear Scaredy Ham,

Well, I’m sorry to say this, but there’s a decent chance you’ll be terrible, but really, that’s okay. Everyone is. The part is impossible. No one young enough to actually look believable has the life experience to play it. And old people look ridiculous in the part. Particularly if they’re only a couple of years younger than Hamlet’s mom, Gertrude. If I were you, I’d adopt an accent we don’t often here in Iowa. Maybe Jamaican? That way, people will focus on the accent instead of the acting.


Theatre Guru


Dear Theatre Guru,

What’s the best play ever?

A Huge Fan Of You


Dear A Huge Fan Of Me,

How can I possibly pick one play? Are you kidding me? What’s the best candy ever made? Kind of hard to choose between the milk chocolatey goodness of Dove bars and the sticky sweet yummy-ness of Laffy Taffy! How can I choose between the wacky crazy of NOISES OFF and the emotional roller coaster that is LES MISERABLES? And soooo many more. And I know you expected me to say HAMLET or DEATH OF A SALESMAN or some such famous play that everyone fawns over. Well, forget it. The best play ever is the one I saw last weekend. Until I see a play this weekend. Then that’ll be the best play ever. Moral of the story – the best play is the one you haven’t seen yet. So go see a play! Like NOW.HERE.THIS at TCR or MILLION DOLLAR QUARTET at Old Creamery. Go!


Theatre Guru

If you have a question for the Theatre Guru, email it to with “Theatre Guru” in the subject line.


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